Lifehack #3: Desert Travel

People like to whine about how tough it is to get around in the desert. But those bozos just haven’t learned the simple secret. Buckle up, kiddos: ya just gotta hop.

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Lifehack #2: Pumpkin Poaching

When poaching pumpkins, it is of paramount importance to avoid the police. Or to evade the police. Particularly if the pumpkin purveyor has provided a pumpkin prison on the premises.

See what I mean? Of course, it is perhaps possible that the pumpkin poachers above would have avoided arrest had they thought to wear suitable disguises.

Lifehack #1: Stage Makeup

When you create stage makeup, it’s important to spend a lot of time on your facial hair. Whether ye be lad or lady. All sorts of tricks work on stage because people out in the audience can’t see you very well. So if you want a moustache, for instance, you might try gluing a plastic comb to your upper lip. Check it out. Works every time.

See what I mean? No comb, no stache. But stick a comb up there and boom, I’m period, baby. Fiiiigaro, Figaro, Figaro, Fiiiiigaaaaarooooo.

I just dropped some wisdom.